Train diplomacy

Two well-dressed Italian gentlemen, retired, by the look of them, board the train at Milano Stazione Centrale.

Few seats are left. They take the two facing us. We trade a few words in acknowledgment, Grazie, Prego. 

We get talking, in English. They‘re keen to tell us what they know about Australia, starting with the blue bottles, the great whites, the red backs and the killer crocs.

They ask about the unsolved mystery of Picnic at Hanging Rock and tell us about the mating habits of the Tasmanian Devil.

It’s playful conversation, full of braggadocio. The Italians are proud of their Australian knowledge and we’re suitably impressed. 

Then the challenge. ‘What would you like to talk about?’ asks the more talkative of the two.

‘Italian Renaissance painting,’ I say, hoping to flip the tables. ‘Mantegna.’ 

I know I can spiel for a minute or so, based on what I saw in Milan and read about in Mantova; I’m hoping Malcolm can fill the blanks.

It works a treat. We share erudite observations about Mantegna’s work, hanging at Pinacoteca di Brera, and segue into a discussion about perspective.

The gentlemen’s eyebrows rise, along with the general level of interest among our fellow passengers, some of whom have been half-listening; now they’re seriously interested.

In the great Italy v Australia train conversation playoff, the score stands at 15 all.

‘So. Now we will guess your profession and you can guess ours.’

Malcolm, they say, is a calisthenics instructor. 

We laugh, and counter with outrageous flattery, knowing vanity makes them vulnerable.

’Botanist. Astrophysicist. Philosopher...’

They like those possibilities, but shake their head. 

‘Professore?’ 

Again, no luck. It looks like we’ll have to declare the match a tie because we’re due to get off at Varenna and that stop is fast approaching. 

So we swap facts about our current or past careers. Turns out the quieter of the two gentlemen is a former Italian ambassador. His friend also worked in the embassy as a scientific attaché. They’re on the way to visit a colleague in hospital. It sounded serious. 

Names? None were exchanged.  

Selfies? Absolutely not. 

Just a handshake, a smile and an exchange of genuine good wishes before we alight.